Learning the hard way from obedience to understanding

The chancellor of Germany, Otto von Bismarck (1871-1890), said, “Only a fool learns from his own mistakes; the wise man learns from the mistakes of others.”

This has made me think of all the times in my life that I have learned the hard way. By making my own mistakes and going through the emotions and pain to learn firsthand what I was already informed would happen. As a kid, teen, and young adult, our egos are forming. We think we know what is best, and we treat our older generations like they are stupid.

Where, in fact, they have already been there. They have already done and learned from their own mistakes. But they tell us this to our faces, and we dismiss it; we think, 'Not me, I'm the lucky one.' And then we go off to forget the wisdom that was bestowed on us, and we learn the hard way.

I also think that learning from others is a hindrance; we wait until we have all the facts, all the information before acting, before doing. Like there is some kind of secret quick way of doing or getting somewhere. But there isn't. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario. What is best? What can we learn from others that will benefit us, and when is it best to just do the thing?

Most of us grew up in schooling where there was one correct answer to the question. And this way of thinking was rewarded, and anyone who challenged the teacher would be punished. This way of thinking stuck to most of us into adulthood. Some would say obedience, rationalization. Others would say a stunted, limited mindset.

I was taught to question everything, not in a condescending way that most authority figures took it, but in a curious way. If you can't explain why something is the way it is or how it works, then you don't understand it. Or even worse, there is no reason in the first place to do it.

The word 'why' is so much more powerful than the word 'no' that we learn as a child, to many parents' frustration. The word 'why' challenges us to question things and the status quo. Why do we say prayers? Why do we wait for the green light? Why are we scared of this group? Why can't we just get along? Why, why, why.

The word 'why' is profoundly powerful because it leaves the person we are asking vulnerable. If they don't know the answer, then their ego might get hurt, or their authority is put into question. A good person would be humbled, and when it happens to them, say, 'I don't know... let's find out the answer.' This person is rare and few among the meany.

So I come back to the question: only a fool learns from his own mistakes; the wise man learns from the mistakes of others. I say there is a reason people learn on their own terms, be it never getting the answers because they aren't allowed to question. And then there are the people who know all but never act on that knowledge.

I ask, which one are you, and when? Or if you're lucky, you might be somewhere in the middle, with a few of the answers and a willingness to act on them. I pray that you are. I hope we all are, and that we can learn from you.