Golden Handcuffs

Do you feel stuck, like you could be doing more, doing something more fulfilling, a job or career that brings you closer to your dream life, but it’s just that your current one is so demanding? Or do you feel that you just don’t have the time to do, study, work, or create the life you truly want?

Time is against us, our current life and situation are against us. For many of us, we have a job that is paying the bills and putting food on the table. But that isn’t fulfilling enough, and we feel like we are wasting our time, that we could be doing more.

This feeling we all have is called the "golden handcuff" — the idea that your job and the income you make from it are holding you, even if your job is paying for your current lifestyle, you still feel stuck.

Or maybe you feel guilty that you are not doing more. That you are wasting your free time watching TV instead of reading, or that you are scrolling on your phone instead of creating your own content. This is called internalised capitalism, where you feel guilty for not using every single second and ounce of energy you have to produce value.

Or maybe you feel hopeless, that every single thing you try isn’t getting you anywhere, and you don’t see the point in trying anymore. Even though you have a degree, and the dream job, and the TV, car, apartment, or even your dream phone or computer, you don’t see the point. Sure, you have stuff, but you feel like you will never be or do anything more than just consume. This feeling is called nihilism.

Sure, life is hard, no matter what cards you have been dealt. Whether it’s a good hand or a bad one, perspective is everything, and we are creatures of desire, always wanting more. We naturally can’t be content with what we have. That’s why a child is so territorial over its toys until it learns the benefits of sharing in a social group. We are stronger together. Our current society and social structure make individualism the hero, the goal, the thing to aspire to.

This is a world of loneliness. And no matter what you are feeling, ask yourself: Are the things you desire more about individualism or community?

Golden handcuffs, internalised capitalism, and nihilism are all based on individualism: the self, the individual, the singularity. You, and no one else. Do you feel stuck because you are no longer looking at the bigger picture, taking a step back, and seeing what you already have, who you have, and the people around you? All our suffering and pain come from our own desires and expectations. Suffering in our life hardly comes from the physical world. The majority of it comes from the self.

When we let go of the individual, that is where we find peace. It’s not a trick or something that you will master, it is a practice that we all have to remind ourselves of.

What are you grateful for right now? What or who do you have in your life that you are grateful for? When we do this, we stop focusing on the self and realise that what we already have is good enough. It’s only when we focus on what we don’t have that we feel empty. But when you look at what we already are, who we are, we realise we are already whole.