Self-worth

So self-worth is how we feel about ourselves. It is linked to our ego. And recently where I work went through a restructure and my self-worth was put into question when my job was disestablished. Letter after being re-hired I improved on my quality of work and broadened my skill set into filming, video production and editing. Now again my role has been disestablished all within 6 months. This has really put my self-worth into question and I feel like depression is just around the corner.

So what is self-worth? Well, it depends on what we put importance on or what we take for granted. My self worth is very high with my wife and family. But at my place of work, my self worth is high with my team but not with the company I work for.

Humans put so much value on our monastery value, which we shouldn't. I'm talking about myself specifically. If I don't contribute to my community or workplace then I don't feel like I'm contributing value. And well my workplace is making it very clear that no matter what skills or how much I contribute to the company I'm just a number on a spreadsheet. Knowing this makes me feel very undervalued. On top of that they are talking about getting in contractors so on top of that I'm easily replaced.

So my current situation is kinda depressing. I feel like shit. Like really contemplating leaving this shit hole. And contemplating a career change. I love learning, I love sharing and was thinking about going into teaching. Maybe secondary school. Art is wonderful and relaxing and a way to escape while also creating something beautiful. I want to teach people to create or capture what their mind's eye sees.

But in saying that I'm kinda depressed, I don't want to move into just another job. I know nothing lasts forever and I know that change is inevitable. One can accept and embrace it or be left behind in self-pity. I'm trying really hard to be positive and stay optimistic. Currently, I make $33k a year, and all this stress and anxiety is not worth it. Because a secondary teacher starting salary is around $40k a year. Instant payrise for leaving my job which is disestablished anyway.

It might be time to put down the camera and pick up the roll call sheet. I love photography so much, but it's not going anywhere, I can take photography whenever I want. The only thing that would change is the title from professional photographer too, teacher. Doesn't sound too bad to me.