The paradox of fear and creation

Why is it easier to research and study than it is to create, to make, and sometimes, I feel, to be?

For the lucky few, creating comes naturally, you just do it, create, be, make, and do. For some of us, the creating is the hard part. But in truth, this is a lie, and I'll tell you why.

Some of us hide behind another task instead of doing the thing, be it waiting for that perfect bit of gear or just needing to research a little more on what to do, how to do it, or what you need. But in truth, amateurs are obsessed with tools. The real reason so many of us constructively procrastinate is out of fear—fear of judgment. Not failure, not doing something wrong, but of judgment. We care about what others think of us.

We care about rejection, of being judged, and ridiculed. We are social creatures, and the fear is real and visceral. This idea that someone we know might see our work and laugh or say, 'Why did you do that?' in a condescending tone or put us down. This is what I fear the most.

I like to think of myself as someone who doesn't care what people think of me, and this is true for strangers. I could care two shits about them. But the moment of judgment still hurts my ego. What I really care about is my loved ones and friends seeing my work. I like to hide it, not show or bring light to my work. I think to myself, 'Let my work speak for itself, void of me.'

In truth, I'm just hiding from possible negative judgment. We are all human, and that underlying truth we tell ourselves isn't the cure for our fear or procrastination. And it's hard to face it, to come to terms with it, or even acknowledge we have a fear in the first place. Hell, I didn't even know I was worried about being judged until I put these words to paper.

Why is it so much easier to research and study and find alternative activities to do instead of doing the work? It's because we are scared of failure, the fear of us and our work being judged.

I will tell you this, and it is bittersweet. No matter what you do, you will always be judged for your actions. Someone out there will not like your work, and someone else will. Someone will think you are ugly, and someone will think you are more beautiful than anything else in this world. Some people will hate, some will talk, and some will ignore. It's inevitable because we are all different and we all have different tastes and views of the world and how it should be.

So don't let the fear of judgment stop you from writing, singing, taking that picture, or filming yourself. Because just by existing, you have already offended and made someone dislike you without even doing anything. The silver lining is that the people who love who you are and what you do far exceed the number of haters. The only difference is that our brains are wired to avoid pain, so the haters stay around in our heads much longer than they deserve.

I say make that thing, research to your heart's content, but after you're done, please make the thing. Share it with the world because someone out there might need it more than you think. And something you make might just put a smile on their face or make them think of the world a little differently.