There is only one you, why would you compare yourself it the 8.1 billion others

We can't help but compare ourselves to others; it's literally how we know where we stand in the world. If we can do certain things or if we belong in a certain group or place. People say that you shouldn't compare or judge others or yourself. But it is hardwired into our brains; it's biological, a social skill to keep us safe. But at the same time, it can be the detriment to our happiness and well-being. So how do we overcome something that is inherently human nature?

Navigating the complexities of wealth and well-being

First off, our brains are an amazing organ whose solo job is to keep us alive. Knowing is the first step. This is why having money isn't a big deal to people who have security. But when you don't have money or live paycheck to paycheck, money is everything and super important. Because it is the one major factor in our current social system that keeps us safe, sheltered, gives us access to food, and keeps us alive. I'm saying this because being able not to compare yourself to others is a first-world problem, or should I say a capitalistic privileged problem to have and be able to overcome once you have money.

So if you are doing okay financially and have money that you can spend on extra clothes, dining out for dinner, buying a ticket to a concert or event, or even have a full-time job or education, then you are in the top 6.8% of the world's population and are privileged enough to have this problem that you can overcome.

Seeing on social media how your friends are enjoying themselves, have you ever felt envious? One of our common mistakes is to compare how we feel inside with how our friends appear outside. We don’t know what is going on inside our friends, but we are well aware of what is going on inside ourselves. Your friends might be envying you based on your social media posts, without knowing what is really going on in your life. [^1]

The power of perspective

First off, no one other than your friends, close acquaintances, and family are thinking about you. And even then, most of that tight-knit group you see and hang out with on a regular basis isn't even thinking about you. They are thinking about themselves and their problems. Know this; it's super powerful. Also, know that if you are the poorest person in your vicinity, you will scientifically be less happy and miserable because you will have a constant group of people you compare yourself to that is better off than you subtly. So it's always better to be the nicest house on the poorest street than the poorest house on the nicest street. Again, also remember that no one is thinking about you as much as your ego thinks they are.

Publicity is about social relations, not objects. Its promise is not of pleasure, but of happiness: happiness as judged from the outside by others. The happiness of being envied is glamour. [^2]

Second, be at peace with yourself, do gratitude practices, reflect on all the things you do have, and be grateful for the things in your life and the fact that you are alive. I'm grateful for feeling the warm morning sun on my face. I am grateful to be able to drink from my cup. I am grateful that my [insert something you have]. This practice does wonders for our happiness and takes away from external desires and lacks in our lives and focuses our attention internally and locally on what we already have.

Third, be confident in who you are; there is only one of you. There is only one me, only one you. And the person you are has lived a life that no one else has. At the same time, you have experiences that other people can relate to and connect with. We are unique and special, and that is what connects us with other people in our lives and around the world. We all want the same fundamental desires; embrace the things you already have and the person you are.

A journey from external to internal fulfillment

Know what you want and ask yourself, are those external desires or internal desires? Wanting a new watch might be an external desire that doesn't really matter, once we dive into the internal desires behind that things change. Maybe you like being on time or knowing when the time is; maybe you're punctual or like the aesthetics of the old-style watch. This might mean you take pride in knowing things or helping people know basic information like the time. You might want a watch to show sophistication, so your internal desire is to be admired for your knowledge. You get where I'm going with this; take your desires and dive deep into why you want that thing. And make that want an internal desire that doesn't need the material item in the first place. This is freeing and also revealing because you discover what is important to you, and you can go after that in many other ways and avenues.

Keeping up with the Kardashians is a losing game because for yourself to feel better, you have to have or be above someone else, giving your insecurities to someone else. Understand that there will always be someone smarter, taller, more athletic, richer than you. There is always someone out there that you think has something you want and desire. But also know that someone else out there wants to be in your shoes. So reflect on what that might be. You might have an apartment, you might own a car, and have the ability to go anywhere the road can take you. You might have an education, or even your health. If you can pretend to be your younger self, would your younger self want what you have or want to be you? They might think, "Wow, you have a driver's license; that's so cool!" or "Darn, you have 20 bucks in your wallet! You could buy any candy you wanted with that." What I'm getting at is be humble.

Lao Tzu liked to compare different parts of nature to different virtues. He said, ‘The best people are like water, which benefits all things and does not compete with them. [^3]

A reminder of individuality in the world

And I leave you with this: comparing yourself to others is a game of negatives, a comparison game that shows you what you lack, what you don't have. News flash, there is a whole world out there, and there are so many things you aren't. Why would you want to compare yourself to others when there are endless others out there? Know that there is only you, and understand that what you have is special. What you own, have done, and learned is yours. Sure, you could lose external items or assets, but you can never lose yourself; it's always right there with you. So how you see the world is a major factor in your happiness, and understand that knowledge is internal. Comparing yourself to others is a losing game because there are always more things being made in the world, but there is only one of you. You are special, and be humble with where you are right now because before you know it, time has passed.

Which is not what God intended—for my happiness to rest with someone else. [^4]

Take pride in what you already have, compare yourself not to others, but to your past self. Improve on yesterday's you because right now, this moment is all you truly have. Everything else in the world is just stuff; nothing can replace you.

Footnotes

[^1:] Love for Imperfect Things by Haemin Sunim
[^2:] Ways of Seeing by John Berger
[^3:] Great thinkers by Alain de Botton
[^4:] Meditations by Marcus Aurelius