When those we love lose their way, when to walking away or helping them
Have you ever looked up to someone and, over time, realised that they have changed? Their views and opinions of the world become narrow-minded and no longer take into consideration the bigger picture, the don't consider the minority, or the average Joe. And now you see them for who they have become, and it no longer resonates with you. Like a bad taste in your mouth from trying something nostalgic from a time lost. I can see and understand how someone can change for the worse. I have sympathy for someone who has lost their way, blinded by the lights of recognition, attention and toxicity.
Echo chambers of ego, the slow drift into darkness
How does someone become a darker shadow of themselves, how does someone lose touch with the people around them, and start living in a world filled of self? The people we once admired or loved got to where they are by trying different things and experimenting. And one day, something begins to gain traction, it starts working, and they hunker down and keep doing it, pushing it, refining it. Why do people do this, what is the benefit of bounce around their own echo chambers tat they have created for themselves like a dog stuck in its own kennel of validation? There view might make them feel important like they have a reason to fight, a purpose, even if that purpose isn't aligned with the greater good. This process is slow; it happens gradually over time. They keep going down this path because they keep getting attention, recognition, and praise for being different, more extreme, and it's working for them and their ego. All this attention and feedback, good or bad, it satisfies their need to be important. And the more attention and people looking at them, the more and more you give them a reason to keep going down this toxic echo chamber.
The struggle to guide loved ones back to the right path
So how do we save them? What can we do to keep someone we admire or love on the right path? I'm sorry to say, but this is something you can show them, but they have to choose to walk the right path. It's up to them to self-reflect on who they have become or are going to be. Interventions can help show someone you care about them and help them see they are hurting themselves and the people around them. But if others outside of that circle are giving them validation, it's a tricky one to tackle. I don't have an answer. All I know is the feeling we get when we lose touch with someone because their views no longer align with our own. If you know this person, then you might choose to not lose touch with them, or close them off. Talking to them, Showing them how their views are so narrow, show them the bigger picture, their fluid logic and reason. And they might see their losing their way.
Navigating the end of relationships with divergent values
The other option is that the relationship has run its course, and your opposing views and values no longer align, so it's time to say goodbye and move on. We can't control others; we can't change others unless they want to or are willing to change. All we have control over is our own autonomy. Knowing this, it's okay to mourn, to be sad or angry about the fate of the relationship. But this is part of growth; people will come in and out of our lives, and these moments reinforce our own values and beliefs. And the silver lining is we can thank them for showing us what is important to our morals and values and challenging our own beliefs.
Understanding the benefits of toxic behaviour
The thing to understand is if someone is toxic, it's because it benefits them; they get values from being that way. Be it control, manipulation, ego. These traits can be dormant, or they can manifest in anyone with enough motivation or need. Like a dog pushed into a corner will fight back because there is no other option. the question to reflect on is are they the way they are because of necessity, or are they that way because of environmental changes or social changes?
Prioritising empathy and personal health
It all comes back to empathy and your own health. If someone is toxic in your life, I would always just cut them out myself. I don't have time for anyone who doesn't benefit my life in a positive light. This is a hard one to console with because that someone might be very important to you. You might rely on them for something. So I ask you, are you able to get that value somewhere else, from someone else? Or are you also in a vacuum, stuck between a rock and a hard place? If that is you, then leave that hard place. It's super annoying to say this but its that simple, not easy, but simple once you look at it from a place of non-attachment. Just like someone else looking in with a new perspective can give you valuable insights. Take a step back and reflect on where you are, and they are and what in needed for you own well-being.
From change to choice, evolving relationships or embracing endings
So you have two choices, help that person see what they have become, and hopefully, they will want to change who they are, of their own accord. Or it's to see the relationship no longer benefits both of you, and you need to leave and go somewhere else for that need they once brought to you. Like a candle burnt out over time, or the bird you need to let go on their own, and maybe they will fly back home to you one day. you know the saying "if you love someone, let them free", to be who they are, even if that person is someone you don't agree with. Accepting the world and how ourselves and everyone in it changes, nothing lasts for even in this universe of entropy. And walk away from that toxic stagnant pool, and find a fresh river that is moving in new directions.
