Breaking the burnout cycle, a story of burnout, change, and growth
Have you ever felt like you are stuck, but at the same time, like you have no energy for anything else but work, survive, and repeat? This perpetual treadmill of getting up, going to work, going home to recharge or unwind, then going to bed late and repeating it all over again. This is our lives in a small studio apartment (nutshell) - the life of nothing changing, and days blending into themselves while we wait for the weekend. But that weekend isn't to have fun, but to recharge and relax so we can do it all over again. This was my life for 4-5 years straight. Then something happened: I had my third burnout and health breakdown in one year, and something had to change.
So what did I do after my burnout? What did I change? I realised that when I was burnt out, no one cared. No one asked how that happened. All I got was, "You are doing too much, you're doing too many things." And I thought, "No shit, but I have to. It's either do this or be homeless." Then it hit me, no one cared beyond my immediate family. So what was I doing this for? Who was benefiting from this? Who was I serving? The answer was other people. I was putting myself last. This needed to change, so I stopped caring so much, and that turned into not caring at all beyond my morals, internal and minimum requirements and obligations. I wanted to self-develop, and not in that toxic productivity way, in terms of reading more books, having a hobby that wasn't driven by monetisation, to exercise more. And you know what? I did it, and it was hard, harder than you might think - it was difficult to leave my old self behind.
The path of least resistance never makes you happy. Your self-esteem is developed when we do something difficult, and you overcoming it. Your self-esteem isn't produced from external pressure; it's internal. It's you wanting to do something hard and persevering, and overcoming it, that you feel gratification. Someone learning to bake cookies and failing after failure, but still trying and eventually making a good batch - those cookies will be the best-tasting cookies in the world to that person. But someone just getting a ready-made cookie mix box and putting it in the oven - those cookies will just be cookies. Because they are not laced with perseverance, struggle, accomplishments, and growth. This goes for everything in your life.
The counterargument to this; is that easy is much nice, coasting is peaceful, doing the bareminium is charming, and lesuise is relaxing. And this is also true; it's our cognitive dissonance moment. Or we could think of it as yin and yang - two opposing things that balance each other out. One is for growth, the other is for recharging ourselves. So what is someone to do? When do we know when we should do one thing and do the other? And all I can say is listen to your body and listen to your mind. Are you bored? Then challenge yourself. When you have no ideas or anything to say, then read. When you have something to say, then write and share and make. And when you are tired, then stop. The trick is pushing yourself a little bit each time beyond your comfort zone. This is where we grow, when we rip out muscles a little bit, when we reach for the stars. Then, pause for a moment, repair your muscles, ground yourself, and become stable again. Then repeat.
Because of all of this I now have more balance in my life, a little from Column A, a little from Column B. Each is needed, and each makes my life feel full of purpose and meaning. I work for my employer, but I put my mental and physical health first. I'm more important than any paycheque because without my well-being, I would have nothing, nothing to give, be, and experience. So the next time you feel burnt out and struggling with life, stop for a few seconds and ask, "Who is benefiting from this? What am I getting out of it, and who is growing, learning, and profiting from this?" If the answer is someone else, then stop putting in so much effort. If the answer is yourself, then you have the power to stop at any time and recharge your soul. Remember, it's your life; take control of it and also reap the rewards and relax when you need to.
